Recognizing True Romance

My wakefulness tonight reminds me of another late night about a year ago.  I lay in the bottom bunk explaining to my sister in the top one how beautiful it had been to witness an impromptu serenade in front of our dining hall that evening.  A young man at our college had chosen music as a unique way to invite his date to the Liberty Ball, our biggest dance of the year.  Even though I was merely an unsuspecting bystander, I still remember walking into the dining hall afterward with tears in my eyes and a rather daffy grin on my face.  It was such a beautiful thought . . . .

But my ever-practical sister was not enthralled.  "Leticia," she said gravely, "I hope you do not let romanticism keep you from recognizing true romance when it comes along."

"What do you mean?" I asked.  The distinction between romanticism and romance intrigued me because I had always thought of them as the same thing.  Or rather, I had not considered what romanticism really meant.

"Romanticism is a shallow substitute for true romance," she explained.  "It is what you see when the whole focus of a relationship seems to be on the outward show of romance--the girl getting flowers and posting pictures on Facebook, the guy driving an expensive car just to get her attention or holding the door open for her and then letting it slam in anyone else's face.  That is not true romance."

I was beginning to get the picture by now, but she continued.  "True romance is being best friends.  It is being willing to help and encourage rather than seeking anything for yourself.  It is each being able to enjoy the other's company without needing to talk the whole time.  It is much deeper than any sort of romanticism, no matter how attractive that might seem."

It was time for me to respond.  "Contrary to what you might think," I began, "I do actually recognize the difference between romance and romanticism now that you have explained it.  In fact, I think I always have, subconsciously.  While I love music and beautiful flowers and everything else, none of them are really worth much without true romance behind them.  Their beauty I value independently of romance.  I would still think them beautiful, in a certain way, if they were not tied to it at all because they are beautiful.  But their value in the romantic context comes from something deeper--from caring to give something beautiful to another--from love."