3 Ways to Comfort the Grieving

1. Companionable Silence.  A couple of months ago, my best friend asked me, "How do you really comfort someone?  I just sat there and didn't know what to say."  My reply, "Honestly, that's sometimes the best thing you could do."  There is nothing more comforting than a friend or acquaintance being there with you in your pain and caring for your well-being.

Grief entails shock and a review of memories.  It's a private thing, in a way.  And there is nothing that can be said to make the grief go away by itself.  Being nearby and willing to listen, when the time comes for talking, is worth more than all of the heartfelt condolences in the world.

2. Physical Touch.  Sometimes, a gentle touch on the shoulder can comfort.  Other times, the context demands more.  Hugs are wonderfully healing.  It can be difficult, while in the middle of grief, to recognize the loving care others offer.  A hug can break the barrier-haze that shuts others off from sight.  (But beware:  Hugs have been known to open a flood-gate of tears.  Do not attempt this unless prepared to hold them tight while they cry.)

3. Pray.  Eventually, it comes down to this . . . .  You cannot heal their heart and make their world right again, but God can.  Commend them to His care--not once, before moving on to enjoy your life that remains sunny in the midst of their loss, but continually.  Jesus called the Holy Spirit the Comforter in the Book of John (15:26 KJV), but His work takes time.

But why am I telling you this, right?  I would never want you to have the pain I experienced in learning this lesson.  Painful lessons change us and teach us the really important things about life.  Unfortunately, I've lacked the trust necessary to share my lessons with others.

It has been a little over fifteen years now--more than half of my life.  My older sister died when just barely twenty.  That was the ultimate tragedy of a horrible, horrible six months in our family.  She had been married a short time earlier, and her unborn baby did not survive either.  I never got to know either one of them very well, but I think we would have been good friends.

Do what you can for those who are hurting and then leave them in God's hands.  And may you be blessed with the joy of comforting those whom God loves.