Acting Is My Vocation

Remember that you are an actor in a drama of such sort as the Author chooses--if short, then in a short one; if long, then in a long one.  If it be his pleasure that you should enact a poor man, or a cripple, or a ruler, or a private citizen, see that you act it well.  For this is your business--to act well the given part, but to choose it belongs to another.--Epictetus

First, let me note that I have never considered myself very stoic and am not particularly Providentialist . . . .  Yet I found myself particularly inspired upon reading the above quote from an ancient Stoic.

The idea of our world being a stage on which we have very clear and specific parts has always intrigued me.  I first encountered this concept in Shakespeare's As You Like It, where the jester Jacques suggested the idea as a wise perspective on life and trouble.  It is rather a comforting thought because it gives a sense of purpose and direction to our lives.

There is a sense of purpose to be found in being chosen to play a specific part on life's stage.  One must be found worthy to play a part.  He must possess those characteristics that best suit him to play it well.  In this realization, there is inherent well-being and self-confidence.  Being given a structured part also assures one of the value of his experiences.  Love is more meaningful, sorrow less hopeless, joy more all-encompassing--because there is purpose in each event of life.  Nothing is for naught.  Thus, the over-arching sense of purpose creates a second good in the drama of life--a sense of direction.

This sense of direction is the framework of life for those who will accept their part and determine to play it well.  Doing one's best to follow the natural plan for life protects us from death and disease and stress and pain.  Such is "the good life" that has long been sought.  Those who rebel against natural laws and authorities find their paths strewn with difficulty.

Thinking of acting under God's direction makes the idea of vocation so simple.  I really like simple.  Following God's plan for one's life does not need to be difficult or stressful.  It involves making each decision--assessing each opportunity--in light of what God would want us to do each moment.  We must act as God would have us.  Then we have to trust God to bring the right opportunities and help us to make the right decisions.  That is the hard part--trust.

But God has given us wondrous promises if we will trust Him, and part of the joy of following His plan is the beautiful surprising that would not exist if we planned life ourselves.

"Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.  And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your heart and minds through Christ Jesus." (Phil. 4:6-7)

"Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.  Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass." (Ps. 37:4-5)

Boring is the New 'Exciting'

While talking to a friend recently* (who will remain unnamed), I was just thinking about what makes people exciting.  It's not being able to change the world.  It's not being President of the United States or running some high-powered attorney firm.  It's doing the small things right that lead to the big things.  The things that really change a nation aren't always the things that stand out.  They're little things--like being dedicated to God, and to family, and to hard work.

The little things that are a part of good character and good relationships are also the building blocks of a strong church, a strong nation, and a better world.  Sometimes things that look boring on the surface are actually the most exciting in the long room.  It is possible to being both boring and exciting, so I am working to compile a list of some personal characteristics that are more advantageous than we might first think.  Please add your own ideas.

#1: Being willing to work hard until finishing a job rather than being sidetracked by the next shiny plan that comes along is valuable because it makes success achievable.

#2: Taking the responsibility of learning and growing for oneself rather than just expecting maturity to fall in one's lap is important because it speeds progress toward any charted goal.

#3: Learning how to really sacrifice for others that are close by rather than giving only when it is convenient and fun or only when it makes us look better to those outside our little circle enables us to make a difference locally as well as in countries around the world.

#4: Listening attentively is a skill much prized because it creates an environment suitable for growth.

#5: Being willing to sincerely apologize and quickly change when wrong removes many obstacles from the path to progress.

Don't worry if you feel boring or too normal because you do not have the noticeable talent of some others in your acquaintance.  Take responsibility.  Work hard.  Make small changes.  Some of the things that are not so glitzy at first--the things that take a lot of hard work rather than a little bit of talent--are the really important things that make the future look bright.  Maybe boring and exciting are synonyms after all.

See.  Boring things can be exciting!

*originally published at http://chooseyourchange.blogspot.com/2012/06/boring-and-exciting-synonyms.html on June 3, 2012.

Pianos with Personality

There is a vast difference between listening to a recording of piano music and listening to it played in person by someone you know.  Recordings seem dull and dead when you cannot see the person playing.

But in person you can see their expressions, hear the intonation and emphasis--see the pauses between songs and hear the progression of moods within their choices--learn something about the person from the style of songs they choose.  You can know whether they use sheet music or not, how often they touch a petal and with how great of force, whether they sing along as they play or listen in silence, whether they are still or if their movements are fluid or fidgety or energetic.

Look at him--personality!

While listening in person, it is no longer just piano music; the piano becomes the voice of a human soul, just as the body is its physical manifestation.

So What is Gumption?

When discussing important topics, it is easy to get on a roll and omit such mundane things as defining terms.  Yet it is the important things that really must be defined most carefully.

Gumption is one of those important things.

Everyone who has heard of gumption probably recognizes that it is good and necessary a good life.  But what is it?

Gumption is an attitude, a way of interacting with the events of life.

An online dictionary defines it as "enterprise, initiative."  But those words alone are not able to capture what gumption means in real life.  It means a sort of strength that is uncommon among the race of mere mortals--the mental and emotional strength to withstand difficulty, to weather all storms when in search of treasure, to know the right and pursue it ceaselessly.  Gumption requires one to fight for the good and the beautiful, to stand above the soiled mobs who fight for lesser things.

Gumption is higher and broader and--dare I say it?--more romantic than a materialistic enterprise or a self-centered initiative.  There is a glow of dignity and respect in voice when one says it.  Gumption.

A man by the name of Gumption stands at the front lines of any truly vital encounter with the Enemy, holding aloft an unsoiled flag, not to bring glory to himself, but to call others to the Cause.

Gumption is a necessary ingredient of strong Christian character.  What is the good of knowing the right if one does not also seek out that good thing and cherish it and defend it from harm and die for it, if need be?  Gumption is an attribute that needs an object, a goal, a purpose.  One cannot possess gumption without putting it to some good use, for then it would cease to be gumption.  For not only is gumption an attitude and an attribute, but it is also an active thing.

Hear the trumpet calling you to battle.
Know the truth.
Love justice.
Faithfully defend the right.
Men of gumption, go forth and conquer!

Why Celebrate?

There is something intensely moving about the song "Happy Birthday," whether it moves you to run or cry or laugh or scream with joy.  It is entirely celebratory and individualistic.

But should something so individualistic as the precise moment when an individual enters the world be celebrated ever afterward?

What is really so important about a birthday?

Is there some aspect of the value of human life or the importance of the contributions of each individual to the community that warrants the celebration of birthdays?  We, notably, celebrate everyone's birthdays--both young and old.  But their contributions to society are prospective and retrospective, respectively.  Why then do we still celebrate?

Is there an intrinsic value to human life that cannot be celebrated sufficiently in any other manner?

Birthdays are very special, regardless of the number of gifts received or the wishes for a brilliant new year.  They signify a benchmark for individual growth.  When children are small, they might be measured next to a door frame.  As they enter their teens, every year becomes a benchmark to when they reach eighteen (and "adulthood") or the magical twenty (when they "get their brain back").

After individuals reach adulthood, the growth is a bit more difficult to measure sometimes.  I mean, there are still stages of life for adults; but they are less defined and they often have negative connotations.  Turning twenty-five means becoming "an old maid" or turning fifty means "going over the hill."

But what does twenty-three mean?

Is it a benchmark on the road to agedness?  Is it special in any way?  What would make it worth celebrating?

The very thing that makes other birthdays so important makes the more obscure ones precious, too--growth.

• Being twenty-three can mean having more wisdom than the year before...
• It can mean understanding God's grace more fully...
• It can mean trusting God to have your best interest at heart...
• It can mean trusting friends to be constant...
• It can mean loving the people around you every day...
• It can mean thanking God for the joys of today without impatience for tomorrow...

Yet all of these attributes that might indicate growth to the introspective individual on a birthday might also be evidences of growth throughout the year.  Birthdays are important because they give us bit of perspective on individual growth, but we are free to celebrate that growth and enjoy the journey every day.  It does not take a birthday to celebrate.

Adventure in the Blink of a Coconut's Eye

There is something particularly exciting about the little eyes on a fresh coconut.  Through them, I can see a wonderful land of adventure lying just ahead--bright, but still just a little bit hazy in the distance.  Perhaps those little eyes actually do give me the power to see the future for just an instant or perhaps (more likely) I am just remembering the adventures that I have had while opening those first two fresh coconuts.

I rather like trying new things, so when my mom heard that coconut milk was healthy and asked if I wanted her to get a fresh (I almost said live) coconut, I agreed readily.  By the time we got it home, my excitement was mounting.  A quick search on the internet garnered me about ten theories on how to open a coconut, but I had no clue which was actually best.  So I gathered all of the suggested tools that were handy--knife, ice pick, turning fork, and hammer--on the kitchen counter and began my operation.

Operation Coconut was strikingly unsuccessful at first.  I tried the turning fork, but its tines were not sharp enough to pierce anything and were too close together to fit the eyes of my coconut very nicely.  The ice pick looked quite promising, I thought; but it was not strong enough to do any material damage to that coconut.  It was tough!  I poked the knife in the direction of the coconut a few times, but it make very little dint in that strength.  Finally, I decided to call in expert assistance.

Mom got a screw driver to round out the ensemble of "kitchen tools" to be employed in our quest for coconut milk.  Using the hammer, she pounded the screw driver through those beautiful little eyes.  And, rather than seeing my adventures closed with their demise, I saw the beginning of delights.  A quarter cup of translucent coconut milk awaited my taste.  It had a full, strong flavor with the savor of coconut . . . and a receding sweetness . . . and just a hint of the bitterness of its husk.

I sincerely hope that all of the adventures awaiting beyond that tiny door, the eye of a coconut, have a similar flavor.  That I might live life to full with the strength to enjoy every moment . . .  That it might have an intensity of purpose and feeling that might be savored after the best moments had passed . . .  That it would be exceedingly sweet, especially in the quiet times . . .  And that the bitterness of disillusion and grief, of reality in a fallen world, might only touch the edges of my experience . . .  Oh, Lord!  I pray that life would be such an adventure!

The True Model

Since I have been talking with a couple of you over the last few days concerning the value of truth and good examples, I would like to share a story with all of you that speaks to both issues.  My mom won a trip to D.C. when she was a senior in high school.  There she met President Nixon and was amazed to find herself walking on marble sidewalks; but she gained her most valuable lesson in the United States mint.

Being a curious sort of person, she decided to ask as she passed the people sorting money, "How many types of bills do you have to study to be able to sort those so fast?"  The woman looked back at her and said, "We only study the one true bill."

Mom always ends this story by saying, "Then I realized that we should be doing the same thing in our Christian lives.  If we study the truth of the Word of God, we will never be fooled by the lies of the devil."

Knowing the truth is vital in Christianity, in politics, in daily life.  Sometimes it is tempting to seek truth in human reasoning, but God's Word is that Truth which we must know.  If we study the models laid out for us in God's commands, Christ's example, and the Holy Spirit's reminders, we will have no need to rely on faulty human examples or skillful reasoning.  The one true model endures.

A Place for Women in the Church

I had waited my whole life for someone to tell me what were the true place and purpose of women in the church.  Some of you may have heard me tell about a lesson that one of the young men gave regarding Christian women at our recent Fourth of July meeting.  He agreed to allow me to reprint his sermon here on the condition of anonymity.  Even though it was originally presented to a crowd of around seven hundred people, I know of several friends who could not be present but who would appreciate hearing the lesson as much as I did.

Many times in meetings like this one, we hear preachers exhorting young men to step forward and preach the gospel, and the need for a new generation of leadership.  For a little while this morning, however, I'd like to take the other side of the coin, and focus on a topic that in my opinion doesn't get as much attention from the pulpit as it deserves: the dire need for godly women in the church.

Make no mistake--if the instruction and encouragement our ladies get is from society, the church will be gone within a generation.  Feminism has attempted to create a culture of "equality," but it's apparent that modern society has only made men and women equally unhappy.  Government-sanctioned sexism undermines women's worth and achievements, the media objectifies women and promotes an unhealthy preoccupation with looks and materialism, and society encourages people to be more and more promiscuous, which only serves to increase the number of children born out of wedlock and the number of people infected by STDs, and to destroy healthy relationship dynamics.  Many in the world would tell you that being a stay-at-home mom is degrading, and that a submissive wife is a relic of the Dark Ages.

But the Bible says otherwise.  Christianity has done more for women than feminism ever could, and true equality can be found only in Christ, Galatians 3:28:

There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Or I Corinthians 11:11-12:  Nevertheless, neither is man independent of woman, nor woman independent of man, in the Lord.  For as woman came from man, even so man also comes through woman; but all things are from God.

For us to actually achieve equality means moving closer to the Bible, not farther from it.  But it is critical to point out that equal worth does not mean equal roles.  Women are told to be submissive to their husbands (I Peter 3:1), silent in the assembly (I cor. 14:34), discreet, chaste homemakers (Titus 2:5), modestly appareled (I Tim. 2:9), and with long, uncut hair (I Cor. 11:15).  I think we all know these things, but many times we tend to focus on what women can't do instead of what they can do.  Think of the strongest Christian you know.  If we were to take a poll, I think the majority of us would have godly women in mind.  Indeed, I think my fiancee's hair has started more conversations about the Bible with strangers than I have.  Look at all of the New Testament examples of godly women doing the Lord's work.  Timothy's mother and grandmother trained up godly children.  Dorcas is described as being full of good works and charitable deeds.  Priscilla, along with her husband Aquila, provided an assembly place for the church, helped Paul on his missionary journey, taught the way of God to Apollos (a mighty preacher of the Gospel) and worked with her husband as a tentmaker.  Indeed, the first appearance of the resurrected Christ was to that great woman of faith, Mary Magdalene.

The point here is to illustrate how important a godly woman is to her family the church, and to God.  Proverbs 31:10--Who can find a virtuous wife?  For her worth is far above rubies.  This phrase, virtuous wife, can also be translated a "wife of valor," and this entire section of the thirty-first Proverb, verses 10 to 31, is an acrostic in Hebrew, perhaps the most beautiful poem of this style ever written.  Indeed, it is quite fitting that this chapter concludes the book of Solomon's wisdom, as Solomon's many pagan wives helped turn his heart away from God.  How might his spiritual life have changed if he'd only pursued such a virtuous woman?

. . . Which brings me back to the men, specifically the young men.  Do you really value a godly woman?  When we seek after worldly women, when we judge our sisters based only on their looks and their fashion sense, we do them and the church a grave disservice.  Your number one goal in finding a mate should be to find the person who will help you the most in getting to heaven.  That person is a strong Christian, a gentle and quiet spirit, not a gossiper or busybody, but a humble servant of Jesus Christ.  In short, the polar opposite of the world's ideal woman.  Ladies, I encourage you to be the godly woman described in the Bible, to grow your talents of singing, prayer, personal evangelism, etc.  And men, when you see these traits in a sister, value her for the treasure she is.

I leave you with the words of King Lemuel in Proverbs 31:30, which were taught to him by his own godly mother.  Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.

Explaining the Premise

When I tell people the name of my blog, most of them ask, "Why is it called that?"  So I decided I should probably explain.

Dancing with Daddy is a metaphor for our relationship with God, who is our daddy.  He lovingly invites us to walk with Him in a very structured way.  We must trust Him and turn toward Him and follow His plans for our life and behavior.  We must follow his lead unquestioningly and continue dancing to the end of the song (our life).  Trust, closeness, and following are all key elements of dancing well.  Communication is also a necessity for harmony of action and added enjoyment throughout the dance.  All of these aspects have a correspondent in our relationship with God; therefore, we must learn to dance with Daddy.

In posting on this, I intentionally focus on learning to live well.  A not-so-intentional point of focus has seemingly become relationships.  While they were not the original idea, relationships are an important part of our walk with God (John 13:34-35).  And, as a friend recently reminded me, every relationship is like a dance because it requires communication and proper responses from both people.  Therefore, learning to "dance" with people by cultivating good relationships with them is one part of our learning to dance with Daddy.

I hope that explanation makes the name more understandable, but I am always open for questions if it does not.

Making a Mark

Often history is presented just as a body of names and dates to learn before an impending test on Friday.  Occasionally, a fact will be interesting or the teacher will tell a funny story that helps his students to remember a lesson for a few days past the test.  But the facts within the lesson may be entirely lost . . .

And I am here, as a history major, telling you that I'm not sure it's such a bad thing.

The lesson is the goal.  It is the mark of history well-learned.  There are a variety of lessons that we can learn from history and, while veracity is a crucial foundation to history, the most important lessons are not the mere facts.

There are frameworks and story lines that will fascinate attentive readers and continue to teach them new lessons long after the original one was mastered.

The first and most important framework of history is as His Story.  Looking back we can see the hand of God at work in the most astonishing places.  One of my favorite examples is the unexpected storm that drove the Spanish Armada off course just before it reached the shores of the weakly-defended British isles and may have been the difference between Catholic and Protestant foundations for this country.  Seeing His Story unfold is like looking at a tapestry that is partially finished.  We can see the colors--and a bit of the design, if we study it carefully.  Just a bit, mind, not quite enough to guess what the final design will be.  So God keeps us in a wonderful state of suspense, waiting eagerly for the next details of His design.

Another framework that I find particularly comforting is the influence of motherhood.  The hand that rocks the cradle is the hand that rules the world, as a wise man once said.  There can hardly be any occupation in this modern world that garners less gratitude and appreciation that dedicated motherhood.  Yet it is mother who shape their children's view of the world.  (Not to diminish the role that fathers play in the rearing of children and especially in the formation of their views of God, but a woman typically has more time with the children to have a broader influence on their attitudes and beliefs.  Perhaps I will be able to deal with fatherhood at some point later.)  Mothers teach their children what is important.  They teach them the value of human life, and they love their children without stint.  Surely these things help to shape the course of history, "one heartbeat at a time."

"One Heartbeat at a Time,"

by Steven Curtis Chapman

Another related perspective on history that is overlooked is personhood.  All of our forebears back there that are now neatly arranged by name and date in dry history textbooks were people--real people!  Yes, I know, it's an amazing revelation.  Well, maybe not.  We all know they were people, but we do not always analyze them as people.  Names and dates cannot begin to encompass all there was to them.  They had dreams and goals, motivations and fears, just like we have today.  And can we really analyze them as if they were particles of dust or an amoeba to be put under a microscope?  No.  We can learn from their lives, but we cannot pass conclusive judgment on them any more than we can on those people around us.  Even the most insignificant individuals of the past--the ones who are relegated to obscure tomes in the backs of libraries or, worse yet, were never mentioned at all--still had reams that could have been written on them.

Finally, the study of history cannot be relegated to the space between the covers of a book.  It is much bigger than that.  History is the whole story of life.  Every one of us make a mark on the pages of history.  We are studying history every time we chat about the weather or meet a new person or decide what to wear based on the fashions of the season.  History does not have to be intimidating or boring.

It is simple.  It is accessible.  It is exciting.  It is all-encompassing.  History is LIFE!

The Saved Seat

Attending a church meeting a couple of weeks ago, an older man came to our pew and asked, "Is this seat saved?"  The seat was right beside me, so I replied that it was open.  Then he teased, "I thought you might be saving it for your husband."  Well, this particular man knows that I am unmarried, so I replied with a laugh and a joking comment about not needing to save the seat.

But then I realized that there is a seat I have been saving for my husband . . . in my heart.

Oh, I don't know who he will be or when I will meet him or if I have already.  Nothing like that.  But there is a place in my heart reserved for him.

The saved seat is a special place of love for one who also loves me.  It is built of respect for the responsibility that he will shoulder in being the leader of a godly house.  It is covered with admiration of a man truly made and rightly grown.  It is ornamented with trust in a loving God and in the care He has shown by bringing us love here below.  It is surrounded by the service of a giving heart that delights in bringing joy to those who have seats within the heart.  It is a large seat, hidden for now by a dark blanket of caution lest one should slip into that seat who is not worthy of it.

Saving this particular seat in the heart takes diligence.  The control of one's mind and actions is part of the task.  But the control of the emotions is key to this endeavor.  Once the heart is given to another, it cannot be returned in one piece.  There is a glue that binds the two together so that both must be torn if they are ever to be separated.  Whatever part of love and trust and respect is lost in relationships along the way diminishes the newness and the beauty of the saved seat.  So it is best to save all of those emotions for the one whose seat it is.

Pray to God for the strength to save a seat for the one beloved.  The saved seat is a beautiful place.

Love or Fear

Yesterday, a friend on Facebook asked everyone what they think love is.  I did not respond because someone else had already given my short answer that would have been posted there.  Love is self-sacrifice.

But there is so much more to it than just saying the word.  One must understand what self-sacrifice really means in everyday life.  There are good examples of self-sacrifice that might give us a hint of its meaning, but even they cannot provide a full explanation.  Jesus is the ultimate example of self-sacrifice.  He "made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men:  And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross." (Phil. 2:7-8 KJV)  Christ figures in literature often appear through individual self-sacrifice as well.  Sidney Carton in Dickens' A Tale of Two Cities sacrificed himself and his dreams for Lucie Manette and Charles Darnay because he thought her welfare more than his own life (Eph. 5:25).  Sonya, from Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment, is a dual example of self-sacrifice both for the sake of her family and later for the sake of Rodya.  A more obscure example of self-sacrifice comes from The Winning of Barbara Worth, by Harold Bell Wright.  Abe Lee sacrifices his own lifelong dream for the good of Barbara Worth.

If I'm not mistaken, those ideas show just enough of what love requires to put the fear into you.  Although there is an intense longing within people to be able to love like that, it is often subdued by fear.  Therefore, it is necessary also to know the opposite of love.  It would seem that there is an obvious answer:  hate.  But that is false.  I never quite understood the one thing that is truly antagonistic to love before seeing the MessyMondays video, "The Opposite of Love."

But "perfect love casteth out fear." (I John 4:8)  And what are those fears that love casts out?

• fear of being hurt?
• fear of another not loving you back?
• fear of humiliation?
• fear of loneliness?
• fear of rejection?
• fear of abandonment?
• fear of being bested?
• fear of not being good enough?
• fear of being too much?  (too talkative--too quiet--too ugly)

Do you all realize that those fears focus entirely on oneself?  I only just did as I was beginning to write this post!  The one thing that stands in the way of our loving others as Christ loves us is that we think about our own selves and fear for our own selves.  But his focus was not on himself.  He looked down and saw our need of him and took no further thought for himself.  This is the true meaning of self-sacrifice.  It is a way of life as well as a noble cause of death (Rom. 12:1-3).  Heed the high calling God has given you.

A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another;

as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.

By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples,

if ye have love one to another. (John 13:34-35)

Whyever Not?

Prepare to be shocked. . . .

I am speaking of arranged marriage.  Yes, I know.  It's crazy.  But is crazy always a bad thing?  Sometimes it is another term for genius.

Over the past few months, all sorts of circumstances have led me to ask this question.  In fact, it rather haunts me.  Whyever not arranged marriage?

Have we fully considered the pros and cons or merely scorned it as an antique notion discarded as we progressed toward our modern level of civilization?L  And exactly how civilized is our modern society with its rampant immorality and rising divorce rate?

As Christians, we claim to be concerned that Christians are equally yoked with other Christians.  Yet do we exert any energy toward that end within the local church or do we sit around gossiping about the apparent lack of suitable mates?  Whyever not take some steps toward the making of suitable marriages?

We say that we are all brothers and sisters in Christ who love one another and want the best for each other.  Yet we protest that we do not know each other well enough to arrange marriages between strong young Christians.  Well, perhaps we should get to know one another.  Do we really think that the secular model of dating and sexuality will allow us any greater acquaintance with potential marriage partners?

And the mention of modern dating brings me to another question. . . .

Are we more committed to the Biblical ideal of marriage and family or to the cultural ideal of "love at first sight"?  Is that sense of emotional connection experienced "once upon a time" going to be a sufficient foundation for marriage?  Or would a commitment, maturely considered, be more valuable in the long run?  I know the appeal of that "love at first sight" electricity.  I have felt it.  It is intriguing, but it is also enough to scare one senseless.  And it is oh so dangerous.  Commited love is to be chosen over chemical connections, no matter how strong.  But does our acceptance of the modern dating model with all of its fickleness encourage the level of commitment that we desire in Christian marriage?

And the last question . . .

Exactly how thoroughly could arranged marriage be practiced if we were more committed to Biblical standards than to the world's opinion of us?  Would we be better acquainted with God's children?  Would we have closer-knit families and church communities that might facilitate wiser marriages?  Would young Christians perhaps be more concerned with doing the will of God for their lives that with satisfying their own selfish desires?

Lest anyone reading this should discount these questions because I am only one person saying these things, let me clarify that these thoughts are to help me think through the conversations between me and my friends (ages 19-23) that seemed to head frequently in the direction of relationships and marriage.  No, we are not some sort of girls' "lonely heart club."  We were a mixed group of serious-minded young people.  It was the week of Fiddler productions, I think.  Everyone had arranged marriage on the brain.  One day at lunch, our table discussed it as a vague possibility for our peers and dismissed its application to us with, "Oh, horrors!"  The next day we heard a senior testimony declaring such conjecture to be a common sophomore mindset and witnessed the groans and nods of agreement that followed.  On the evening of the third day, we watched Fiddler on the Roof.  The fourth day, I suddenly asked my haunting question:  "Whyever not?"

Yet you may take my still-single status as an indication that I have not asked anyone to arrange my marriage yet . . .  :D

As you can tell, I am still trying to figure this out and would appreciate all of the input I can get.  So I want to hear what you all think of these ideas.  Are there any suggestions? questions? experiences with this sort of thing?  Please contact me here or by email to join the discussion.

Too Many Sirens

Homer's Odyssey tells of mythical sirens, bird-women nymphs, who drew men off of their chosen path with the enticement of sweet music.  Knowing the danger of these women, Odysseus wisely told his men to cover their ears before they were in vicinity of the sound.

Unfortunately, sirens are not only mythical creatures but also real-life women.  The modern world has taught young girls that the only way to "get a guy" is to "chase a guy," and becoming a siren is disturbingly effective.  Many guys are susceptible to the sort of "harmless flirtation" that will eventually lead them astray.  Young women often believe that flirting with guys is the only way to a relationship with any man.  In fact, I often have found myself trapped between this apparent reality with its pragmatic solution and Biblical values that preclude casual flirting and guy-chasing.

If we look at the truth of the matter, however, all of us should know that the results of abandoning a "meek and quiet spirit" are not really what we desire (I Pet. 3:4).

• Does a young women really desire marriage to a young man who is not strong enough to resist her call?  Will he be able to resist the call of other women any better after marriage?
• Does she want a man who is not resolute enough in his own desires to want only her--to choose only her?  Will he continue to choose loving her over other alternatives every day of his life when he never chose her in the first place?
• Does she really desire a young man who can charm her socks off when she realizes that his looks and charisma are capable of charming twenty other women at the same time?  Will he not continue to charm other women after marriage when that has been his constant habit?

The men would likely not choose the results of their irresponsibility either.

• Does a young man really desire a woman who was forced to live behind a mask used as camouflage in order to catch him?  Will she remain the same woman for a blissful fifty years of marriage if she has been accustomed to changing her attitudes and looks on the whims of men and the culture at large?
• Does he want a woman who has found that flirting is the only way to make a point or get her way with a man?  What if his wife then has to deal with other men besides her husband?
• Does a man really want to relinquish his leadership responsibility to the young women in his life?  Does he want to follow her lead in other matters after having forced her to take the lead in courtship?

And the implicit answer to all of the above questions is "NO!!!!!"  I have chosen not to flirt with guys--and I say chosen because I also considered the other option--I have chosen not to flirt with the young men around me because I want one that cannot be turned aside by all of the sirens that sing sweetly to him along the way.  I want him to have the gumption to choose a life with me and then to cover his ears and return home faithful to me, deaf to the sirens' cries all around him.  I want to have that meek and quiet spirit that maintains a peaceful, loving home amidst the chaos of our modern world.

So we each have a choice to make:

• Girls, will you seek the attention of every guy, now and forever, or will you save that loving heart for the one man who will cherish it above every other?
• Men, will you make yourself available to every woman, now and forever, and surrender to the first woman who pursues you or will you watch for a dear heart that will be the other side of you and pursue her unwavering to the ends of the earth?

Don't wait to make your commitment to a strong marriage.  Make your choice known by your actions today.

Joy is Desired

A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving favor rather than silver and gold. (Proverbs 22:1)

Upon hearing this verse in a chapel message during middle school, my fascination with names began.  The speaker had brought with him a comprehensive list of first names in our small school.  Many of them had detailed meanings such as "gift from God."  My name, Leticia, means "joy."  It is a beautiful name, a good name, but rather vague I have often thought.  Later, I combined this with my middle name for the fuller meaning "joy is desired."  During my teenage years, this definition taught me the power of passive voice and of words with double meanings.  I often wondered whether I was "joy" or the unstated indirect object that desires joy.  And did desired mean that I myself (as joy) was desirable or that I was lacking joy, that "joy is desired" in my life.

For several years, that latter meaning did apply to me.  But I was not who God had made me to be.  Oddly enough, one step in my discovery of joy was a personality inventory after which the administrator reluctantly told me that I showed equal tendencies toward two personalities, but that I could choose which one described my true self and improve the strengths that it revealed in me.  Then my mother continued to remind me of the joy I truly was.  Her picture of a smile or a hug as a refreshing breeze that flits among the leaves and tickles the flower petals helped me to understand my place and purpose in the world.  She told me to write down every Bible reference that I found mentioning joy, and so my "Joy Book" began.  Soon it grew to include not only Bible verses but  also songs, the first flowers of spring, and treasured memories of times with friends.  Joy is no longer wanting in my life.  Truly, "the joy of the Lord is my strength." (Neh. 8:10)