How strong will our churches be in fifteen, twenty, thirty years from now? About as strong as the Christian families formed by the marriages of today . . .
How many young Christian couples do you know today that are likely leaders for the church of tomorrow? How many will even be members of the next generation of the church?
In my experience, there are far too few individuals who marry their spiritual match. More times than I would care to count, I have seen strong young men with solid convictions and a heart for God yoke themselves to young women concerned only with how they look to the nearly man. I have seen good women concerned with serving God purposefully in their lives with young men who would put the cross to shame.
Here is how the scenario generally works out:
Good boy has been taught to respect girls; good girl has been taught not to be forward. Good boy takes this injunction very seriously and respects girls so much that he hardly dares speak to them. Good girl, in her attempt to avoid being forward, refrains from speaking to guys much at all. As a result, good girl and good boy might live next door and never even improve upon their acquaintance despite their mutual respect.
Bad boy comes along and charms good girl by acting like the good boy or as if she has turned him into a good boy. Bad boy and good girl eventually marry. Good boy then despairs of there being any good girls who will really like him because the one good girl he knew just married a bad boy. Bad girl comes along and flirts with good boy, flattering him and appearing to improve ever so slightly under his continued influence. Good boy eventually marries bad girl.
The trend of mismatches in my social circles has become one of my greatest concerns. How do we remedy this situation? How do we get the good ones together?
Saturday, January 10, 2015
Wednesday, January 7, 2015
3 Ways to Comfort the Grieving
1. Companionable Silence. A couple of months ago, my best friend asked me, "How do you really comfort someone? I just sat there and didn't know what to say." My reply, "Honestly, that's sometimes the best thing you could do." There is nothing more comforting than a friend or acquaintance being there with you in your pain and caring for your well-being.
Grief entails shock and a review of memories. It's a private thing, in a way. And there is nothing that can be said to make the grief go away by itself. Being nearby and willing to listen, when the time comes for talking, is worth more than all of the heartfelt condolences in the world.
2. Physical Touch. Sometimes, a gentle touch on the shoulder can comfort. Other times, the context demands more. Hugs are wonderfully healing. It can be difficult, while in the middle of grief, to recognize the loving care others offer. A hug can break the barrier-haze that shuts others off from sight. (But beware: Hugs have been known to open a flood-gate of tears. Do not attempt this unless prepared to hold them tight while they cry.)
3. Pray. Eventually, it comes down to this . . . . You cannot heal their heart and make their world right again, but God can. Commend them to His care--not once, before moving on to enjoy your life that remains sunny in the midst of their loss, but continually. Jesus called the Holy Spirit the Comforter in the Book of John (15:26 KJV), but His work takes time.
But why am I telling you this, right? I would never want you to have the pain I experienced in learning this lesson. Painful lessons change us and teach us the really important things about life. Unfortunately, I've lacked the trust necessary to share my lessons with others.
It has been a little over fifteen years now--more than half of my life. My older sister died when just barely twenty. That was the ultimate tragedy of a horrible, horrible six months in our family. She had been married a short time earlier, and her unborn baby did not survive either. I never got to know either one of them very well, but I think we would have been good friends.
Do what you can for those who are hurting and then leave them in God's hands. And may you be blessed with the joy of comforting those whom God loves.
Grief entails shock and a review of memories. It's a private thing, in a way. And there is nothing that can be said to make the grief go away by itself. Being nearby and willing to listen, when the time comes for talking, is worth more than all of the heartfelt condolences in the world.
2. Physical Touch. Sometimes, a gentle touch on the shoulder can comfort. Other times, the context demands more. Hugs are wonderfully healing. It can be difficult, while in the middle of grief, to recognize the loving care others offer. A hug can break the barrier-haze that shuts others off from sight. (But beware: Hugs have been known to open a flood-gate of tears. Do not attempt this unless prepared to hold them tight while they cry.)
3. Pray. Eventually, it comes down to this . . . . You cannot heal their heart and make their world right again, but God can. Commend them to His care--not once, before moving on to enjoy your life that remains sunny in the midst of their loss, but continually. Jesus called the Holy Spirit the Comforter in the Book of John (15:26 KJV), but His work takes time.
But why am I telling you this, right? I would never want you to have the pain I experienced in learning this lesson. Painful lessons change us and teach us the really important things about life. Unfortunately, I've lacked the trust necessary to share my lessons with others.
It has been a little over fifteen years now--more than half of my life. My older sister died when just barely twenty. That was the ultimate tragedy of a horrible, horrible six months in our family. She had been married a short time earlier, and her unborn baby did not survive either. I never got to know either one of them very well, but I think we would have been good friends.
Do what you can for those who are hurting and then leave them in God's hands. And may you be blessed with the joy of comforting those whom God loves.
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Who You Are Not What You Do
Who are you? Not just "What's your name" . . . . But what defines you?
I sat in chapel one weekday morning as the lecturer explained the deeper implications of our small talk. "If you've ever listened to two men talk," he told us, "this is how the conversation begin: 'So, what do you do?' Many of you have been dreaming about something you want to do like becoming President or changing the culture."
He was right. Every one of us in that room had something noble that we wanted to do whether it was in politics or the church or even so broad as changing the world. But he challenged us that day to spend less time thinking about what we wanted to do and to focus more on what we want to be.
Figuring out what we want to do can be difficult. Do I write history books or design fashion or become a missionary or have lots of kiddies? Or do I perhaps do all of those things at one time or another--maybe even all at the same time?
Choosing what we want to be should not be so difficult for those of us who are Christians. We are to become Christlike (Rom. 8:29 ESV). We are told that the fruits of the Spirit are "love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance" (Gal. 5:22-23 KJV). We are told that "God is love" and His perfect love is defined for us in great detail (I John 4:8 ESV; I Cor. 13:4-7). Surely, these are the things that we ought to strive to be. We are also given stepping stones to the maturing of our faith (II Pet. 1:3-11).
For a very long time, I have found it difficult to measure myself by these Biblical standards. It can be challenging to approach the task of self-assessment in an unbiased fashion, and yet it is crucial that we know where we stand and continue to learn and grow in godliness.
As we approach the end of this year, I want to challenge each of you to join me in measuring yourself against the Scriptural yardsticks provided and setting goals for who you would like to be or become in the new year. If necessary, involve a mentor who knows you very well and can provide an objective viewpoint. For me, the process will also include a little assessment of what I have learned this year and how I am changed as a result.
We cannot change the world for Christ until we are changed by Him.
I sat in chapel one weekday morning as the lecturer explained the deeper implications of our small talk. "If you've ever listened to two men talk," he told us, "this is how the conversation begin: 'So, what do you do?' Many of you have been dreaming about something you want to do like becoming President or changing the culture."
He was right. Every one of us in that room had something noble that we wanted to do whether it was in politics or the church or even so broad as changing the world. But he challenged us that day to spend less time thinking about what we wanted to do and to focus more on what we want to be.
Figuring out what we want to do can be difficult. Do I write history books or design fashion or become a missionary or have lots of kiddies? Or do I perhaps do all of those things at one time or another--maybe even all at the same time?
Choosing what we want to be should not be so difficult for those of us who are Christians. We are to become Christlike (Rom. 8:29 ESV). We are told that the fruits of the Spirit are "love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance" (Gal. 5:22-23 KJV). We are told that "God is love" and His perfect love is defined for us in great detail (I John 4:8 ESV; I Cor. 13:4-7). Surely, these are the things that we ought to strive to be. We are also given stepping stones to the maturing of our faith (II Pet. 1:3-11).
For a very long time, I have found it difficult to measure myself by these Biblical standards. It can be challenging to approach the task of self-assessment in an unbiased fashion, and yet it is crucial that we know where we stand and continue to learn and grow in godliness.
As we approach the end of this year, I want to challenge each of you to join me in measuring yourself against the Scriptural yardsticks provided and setting goals for who you would like to be or become in the new year. If necessary, involve a mentor who knows you very well and can provide an objective viewpoint. For me, the process will also include a little assessment of what I have learned this year and how I am changed as a result.
We cannot change the world for Christ until we are changed by Him.
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